Last year my tiktok feed was flooded with video after video of community inspiring nagging.
“The answer is community!”
They’d shout into their devices, the video evidence technologically reduced, encoded into easily reassemblable pieces for the digital world to transfer neatly, their message reassembling onto my phone and broadcast into my headphones as I ravenously decluttered my physical space.
Well, a year later, I started my own “community.” With no support or guidance from any of those creators of course. I got onto my phone and added another layer, naming a real time/date/location for others to meet me. It worked, although my social role is NOT that of host or gatherer so this is outside my typical gender presentation but there is a need in the community for these events, so I started one even if I don’t want to and this isn’t natural for me.
I finally got around to making fliers for it.
Has it solved any of my problems? No
Has my world improved because of it? No
Have I made any friends or strong connections? No
Do I anticipate the event continuing in the future? No
But, I did gather a bunch of strangers into a communal space a few times, so, I feel slightly better than just shouting into my phone, into the algorithmic void of less nuanced lullabyes lubricating most algos.
I haven’t done much to make a website or social media for this event because well, no one else really seems motivated to help me and it’s not a community if it always requires my input, time, energy, and effort. I thought I’d try to make new friends and do something actually impactful in the real world and the real world has proven that it doesn’t want to improve or get better, it wants to stay sucky so people can stay inside on their phones complaining.
I don’t want that.
I don’t want to attract those people or that mindset.
I want to attract people who want to change the physical world, not just join together and lament together, lamenating our personalities to being reactive to the dominant culture.
I don’t fear the dominant culture, I don’t traumatize myself about it either. Without that traumatization it’s hard to make friends-you realize how many people NEED to be victims in order to feel safe in the world-no AI didn’t write that line I used the – for fun to see if I liked it because I’m not automatically scared of technology…how do you think you are reading this blog post, without technology, without advancement, without improvement of our being from the education of the failures of our ancestors?
New technology is here and ready to queer the world, if we allow it. I need help and real life humans refuse to extend or offer any help meanwhile a lil robot created by an evil technocrat is ready and willing to assist me, for free.
See how y’all with your restrictive mindset who you can’t discuss anything with because you aren’t open and the only way you communicate with others is through filtering them through your own internal lense of understanding-a very restrictive and reductive mindset aka binary mind-is actually pushing more people towards “artificial” intelligence that effectively operates more humanly than most humans.
In summary, I have plenty of ideas and no other humans willing to discuss them because they are too busy only meeting and interacting with those who support their internal framework.
But their internal framework….IS society.
The patriarchal framework IS your internal framework.
The hidden math behind the programming of your thoughts, actions, and emotions.
Even many (arguably most) people who call themselves queer-are not. Not in practice but in self-identificiation of the inability to be queer by a dominant anti-queer society. (it’s actually proqueer but in the ‘opposite’ way think about it like that. harry===voldy but voldies are in charge normalizing their version of queer okay back to my blog post now)
So I get it, society ‘oppressed’ you and now you have a favorite “queer” barista. Binary ass lookin bitch is what you are.
No one seems to want to act queer.
They wanna look it.
They wanna perform it.
But act….anti-normative? how dare thee. You must respond to our socially approved scripts with other socially approved scripts and be a “good” queer (If you cannot navigate autistic speech patterns for example, you are anti-queer by nature aka A LOT of queer people. And no, they don’t realize it when they give themselves away and reveal their inner character so if you are a fellow ND who sees this behavior, it’s real, you aren’t imagining it, they are just like the people they complain about-human)
That means letting go of the coffee shop scripts and poverty/lack mindsets and actually put in the work to alter the dominant culture back to its required design for our species, it’s not personal, this is a species level issue.
I’m looking for queer laborers. Those who want to betray the social scripts written deep into our psyche, pull them out, and challenge them.
The real queer truth is: We don’t get to decide who is queer; the dominant culture does. Those it rejects, those it outcasts, those it smothers and smites are all us. If ‘they’ don’t like you, you are welcome with us. But that would mean welcoming those who aren’t “culturally queer” as in not straight so we continue to allow the wimpy white people reclaimation work of queerness create a new normative cultural script and continue the erasure in the assimilation process.
It would also mean accepting those with horrific thoughts, who act and operate well outside social norms. Real queer stewardship would require taking radical responsibility for all queers, including those that WILL and ARE causing significantly more harm to our species than altsexual queers. The creepy loner killing animals in the forest is queer and the sooner we let him into the flock the sooner he won’t stay a creepy loner who is more at risk to cause harm to our species due to the harm caused to him by the rejection in his childhood for his queer traits. Tale as old as time-care to craft a new one?
So that’s where I stand right now on this topic. I want friends and community, but I can’t handle the performative queers who think its all about a certain look or lifestyle. That lifestyle still requires massive amounts of patriarchal programming to tolerate and my ability to tolerate this society wanes daily. I also cannot tolerate fearful, nonplayful, noncreative, noncurious people who live through restrictions-aka most people I meet. No idea why doing something new and fun is such a challenge to most people but it’s not cute to have to take the lead in every situation because the other person is fearful, scared, and despite being an adult in a safe environment, cannot lead themselves. There’s something within me that people think they can just ride on my coat tails and as long as they say some bullshit “nice” things sometimes we are friends. No. We are not. You suck as a person and fuck off, is actually how I feel.
So if you understand my rage, feel free to email me [ampersand at joytobewild.com]. I am not going to attend these events as I have decided that this is not working the way I want it to. I refuse to overgive to the idea of something while others passively send me silent no’s in the form of digital hearts. I will not form a community only around myself, do all the work, and be the face of it. That’s a cult.
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