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neuroDEFIANCE: Opening the heart
I denied my heart for most of my life. I was born into a world I knew wasn’t meant for me. My earliest memory is the desire for more space, out of my crib and into my big girl bed. I yearned for more. No present nor patriarchal display would satisfy my soul. When I…
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Virtual World
Mother used to say, “Go outside & play.” Now she asks lazily glancing up from her phone, hours deep into a doomscrolling session, “Have you been on your xbox all day?” Of course. We all are, and have been. The virtual world has sunk us in. Into ourselves & into our hearts So much so…
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Virtual Insanity
jan 13, 2025 I woke up early, a sensation pulsing through me. I hadn’t felt relief in months, the tension between my heart, throat, and eye refusing to let go of its grip on my vISIon of realiTEA. & boy, did we get some good tea today. Today will go down as the funniest day…
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neuroDEFIANCE: Understanding the NPC Mentality
neuroDEFIANCE: Understanding the NPC Mentality Here’s a hard truth: many people are just NPCs—neuropatriarchal characters—playing out the roles assigned to them by the matrix of societal conditioning. They aren’t players in the game of life; they are the game. They follow the script, enforce the rules, and expect you to do the same. For…
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Happy P.C. New Year
It’s the new year in the patriarchal culture and they are celebrating in the typical ways. “What are you doing for new years?” One asks on the trail. “Staying inside, it’s safer that way.” The other responds. “Yeah us too.” They confirm the sentiment. Later in the day I am asked if I have any…
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neuroDEFIANCE
Introduction about the author Howdy, my name is Ampersand, I am a board certified scientist who works in healthcare. I have self identified as autistic since 18, I am 36 now. I have struggled mostly with interpersonal issues, miscommunications, and the loneliness that happens to those who can’t perfect the patriarchal performances. I attempted a…
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NÜ Nippon Chapter Two
“Who Are Ü?” the man asked, his voice so theatrical I could almost hear the umlaut. I didn’t answer right away, but it didn’t matter. He continued, “At NÜ Nippon, it is our pleasure to Burn for Ü. We bring together the finest resources from countless places to craft the most opportune moments for your…
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Joy to be Wild Episode 3: Ramble City
In which I attempt to make sense and end up just venting my bubbly heart all over the place. Sometimes the heart demands a fast paced stream of hot resentment at society. Episode 2 Part 1 After my realization I had a huge release. I have been wrestling this tension and pain in my heart…
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Relief-Restriction Loop on Joy to be Wild
On Joy to be Wild, I discuss my latest late in life epiphany where it takes me 30 years to realize you cannot force yourself to relax. Listen below if you’re interested. Burp for confirmation. I grew up in a spotless, showroom level clean dwelling in the RomAmerican emperial core. The cleanliness reflected back the…
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NÜ Nippon chapter 1: Joy in Japan
On the ANA flight to Tokyo, the trip stopped feeling like a YouTube binge and started feeling real. The unfamiliar meal in front of me—fresh and exotic by my pitiful American standards—wasn’t enough to rouse my appetite. I nibbled, slept fitfully, and tried to hit snooze on the ‘menty b’ that had been knocking at…